1000 views!

It’s been a long and tortuous road but here we are at the 1000 view mark. I’m excited. So are these women who made a cake in celebration of this momentous occasion:
Look at their grins. I hope that’s cause of the pleasure I’ve brought them. Probably not. Probably just the fact they get to eat a huge chocolate cake. Over the last 23 posts we’ve talked about Robocop Fighting Ninjas, shameless plugs for my material on other sites, games I don’t like, things in my life I’ve found to moan about and the worst song ever. Thanks for sticking with me.

Slight problem though. I have no idea what to do for a 1000^th view special. For the first time I’ve been hoping people wouldn’t visit my blog so I’d never have to make anything. I was going to just not do anything and let it slide, but I’m excited about it. So fuck it. Here’s a disappointing list of things I’ve wanted to address but never had the chance on here.

1. CG and The Bass Collective – The name. It comes from the fact most of my best friends are bassists. Me and Lewis were going to start a band with them all and the Bass Collective was born. And I’m lazy, so I just reused it for my blog name because it sounds cool. Oh, and waughbagbawbag is the nickname of Ruari Morris Waugh. And one day he’s gonna kill me for using it.

2. I apologize for moaning. I don’t think any of my blogs feature me enjoying anything. I do like stuff. I like Men In Black 2 and The Dark Knight, I like meat feast pizza and 100 cans of irn bru, I like The View and Professor Green. But I’m not very good at expressing me liking something. I prefer just to be insulting, and so I talk about shite.

3. Pound Corner hasn’t been forgotten, but I don’t currently have a camera that records in any sort of reasonable quality that I can use on my computer. I asked for one for my birthday. But I got one CD, a 10 journey ticket and £50. My tragic life with no presents.

4. If you know Euan Menzies tell him to let me on his radio show. Nicely. Don’t rape him or anything like that, he’s a very fragile man.

5. This is currently my favourite song. So that gives you an idea of how my brain works:YouTube - We're Back! - Album Version

6. Thanks to the guys at Let The Wookie Win They were what got me into making blogs to begin with. Check them out, they’re funnier than me. Well, than this blog which is horribly self praising and I doubt anyone will remember 5 minutes after they’ve read it.

7. I bought 4 TV movies of Robocop. So the stupidness isn’t over yet. Although if it’s worse than Rob 3, I may kill myself.

8. Check out my youtube channel.

9. I still haven’t forgiven Mariah Carey. Fuck her.

There isn’t a 10. I don’t have that much stuff in my head. So, all that’s left to be said is thank you for reading, keep at it because I’ve got some stuff I got to talk about, here’s to the next 1000 views and of course, PEOPLE NOT PROFIT.

3DS: Disappointing.

I was recently at the 3DS launch. Well I think I was, but there was a chance I was having an alcohol fuel nightmare where I was trapped in Game being pestered by street fighter characters and a huge dog while surrounded by incredibly geeky people. As you might have guessed I didn't really feel at home. I wasn't there to pick up a 3DS, I was just tricked into going along on the pretence of visiting the pub. And I don't like Nintendo anymore. I liked the GBA. The liked the SNES, i even liked the Gamecube. But when they rereleased the GBA with two screens where one was really fiddly and everything was more expensive, and claimed it was a new console called the DS I was upset. I felt betrayed. My GBA was my first gaming experiance and they just abandoned it to die. So I sold it and got a PS2 instead. Fuck Nintendo. Oh and don't get my started on my dislike of the wii. I'm a PS3 man, through and through.

So I wasn't very excited to see Lewis's new 3DS that he made me wait in line for about 29 years for. But I was intreguied about the 3D. It's a gimmick yes, but I've always enjoyed 3D. I mean, the stuff in the cinema is a waste of money because nothing flys at you. I loved the IMAX, i practically shat myself when a dinosaur jumped out the screen and roared at me. But while it's a waste, if someone else pays for it, I'm perfectly happy to muck around with it. So i rolled up my sleeves, turned up the 3D and started a wee game of Street Fighter. And guess what? It was blurry 2D.

You people think it's 3D. But me with my superior brain can see through the pale disguise and see what's really happening. You've been duped. Or just, I have a slight depth pereception problem and so I can't see it. Seems a bit of a rip off making a 3D console that not everyone can see in 3D. So pretty much, the 3DS is a waste if you have problems with your eyes, it just looks blurry and gives you a headache. But it got me thinking. Maybe things do fly out at me in 3D films? Maybe I just can't see them. Have I been wasting my money spending the extra £4 to see Ice Age 3 in 3D when I can't tell when Sid the Sloth is coming to eat me. Have I been tricked? Who knows? Well, I could if I went to the cinema and checked it out. But fuck that.

Dr Who: Watch this!

Watch this. Even if you've never thought about watching Doctor Who before, you have to. It looks insane. I know this is a shameless plug for the BBC, but I just love it.

"Fear me, I've killed hundreds of Timelords."
"Fear me. I've killed all of them."

Tune in 23rd April. And check here later to see if I think it's lived up to the trailer.

Turning 18

It was my birthday yesterday. It was alright, I saw it in with a trip to the union where I smoked a cigar, saw a fat Ruari Waugh, got beat at pool and beat up Ali Rae. The rest of the day I was in a sort of half hungover, half unconcious stupor and things happened but I didn't really experiance them, they were just... there.

But that's not the point, I've got more nights out to come. The point is that it was my 18th birthday. I became a man. I can drink, smoke, gamble and get arrested. I'm an adult now. And how have I spent my first day, playing games. I feel like I should be out doing something adult, like working or paying taxes. But luckily I'm not.

My gran asked me how it felt to be 18. People ask me this every year, and every year I say no different. But just this one year I hoped something would click. Like I'd suddenly feel all grown up, and know what I was up to. But no, I'm still just an idiot fucking about making just over minimum wage so I can buy myself films, games and alcohol. Nothing's changed, except maybe I'm a bit more dour. It doesn't even feel like I've had A birthday. Maybe because now I've left school I have no idea what time of year it is. Every week's the same, I ain't preparing for exams or waiting for holidays. That isn't a bad thing, it just means I'm a bit lost. Maybe it's cause I've been doing everything adult for years, drinking since 2007, smoking since 2009, never id'd since early 2010. The most recent time i got id'd was yesterday. On my 18th. And the shit thing was.... I didn't have id.


Oh well, my stupid procrastinating continues. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Well I would, but whatever. Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday. I was tempted to do a blog on the fad for saying happy birthday even if you don't know the person, but I should just be grateful anyone said it to me. So thank you. And heres to adulthood. And The View's new album. I love it.

Robocop 3's stupid... FUCKIN NINJAS.

I don’t know what to say. This film blew my mind. It was just so stupid, I don’t think there are words for it. The robot ninjas aren’t even the worst part. Well, maybe they are. But they’re not the only bad bit. Let me explain in a list or I’ll just ramble like a maniac.

THE TOP 10 STUPIDEST THINGS IN ROBOCOP 3

10. Ignoring the last 2 films storyline.
This one’s a small point, but it just annoys me. The last two films were all about the police being on strike. In this one, they weren’t. And there is not one line of explanation. You just have to accept it. Oh and right at the end of the last film Rob tells us he’s gonna get the evil boss of OCP. This film... he’s not in it.

9. Rob’s partner’s killed.
Rob joins a team of rebels against OCP because OCP kill his partner. And it’s supposed to be a kid friendly film, I have no idea why they killed her. Maybe she was just so disgusted by being in this film she had to escape somehow.

8. Agent Z
The boss of the bad guys is Z from Men in Black. That’s all I can say. He’s Z. I can’t handle him as anyone else, I keep expecting him to get a phone call from Michael Jackson.

7. Cops walking out
The cops get asked to throw people out of their homes. So instead of doing something sensible like telling Z to fuck himself and keep doing their jobs, they go off and fight alongside the rebels in a street war.  I think having a big gunfight in the street MIGHT be illegal. They should know, they’re the cops. Who were they fighting, well...

6. Nazis
Yep. Z gets mercenaries to work for him. But... they’re just Nazis in beige. You can’t deny it. Just look at this guy:

He is clearly a bond villain. Sorry McDaggett, you’re in the wrong film. Sean Connery’s in the next studio.

5. Girl who can hack ED-209
For some reason this is a kids film, maybe to sell toys. But as anyone who isn’t very good at film making knows, every kids film needs a kid who’s smarter than the adults. So we have a little girl who can hack computers. And she just happens to bump into the rebels. And she makes the bad-ass robot ED-209 from the first film, say he’s loyal as a puppy and do whatever she tells it to. I could explain how this is so wrong and ruins the scare of ED and a little girl CANT hack one of the highest tech pieces of equipment the bad guys have... but I’d rather just say the girl reminds me of Anakin Skywalker. An annoying child who’s only there to appeal to kids, but they hate him too cause he’s a dick.

4. Punks
Rob is in the streets and he gets attacked by a gang. Who are punks. Which is ok, punks can be gangs. But seriously, these guys are fucking out of their minds. And rob takes it. He just stands there and lets them set him on fire without any resistance. It’s one of the most awkward action scenes ever. Go watch it:
Yeh. It’s in French.

3. Rob with a jetpack
This is where I have to stop making any kind of comments. I’m sorry but... There is nothing to say. These last 3 are just so stupid I can only show you them and hope you understand how ridiculous they really are. Here’s a picture of Robocop flying. He also has a gun that can fire a smart bomb. I’m dumbfounded.

2. Rob driving a pimpmobile
This is funny. I think it was meant to be. So I think I can just about forgive it. It’s still unbelievably stupid and out of place in a Robocop so it’s definitely number 2. But, you have to laugh when you see Robocop driving a pimpmobile in a car chase, so at least it entertained me.
Skip to 3.40 in this video to watch Rob have an argument with a pimp. Don’t watch the whole video, you might kill yourself.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kbbuevgWKiM

1. Robot Ninjas
Robocop was a great film. Robocop 2 was not bad. But 3 killed the franchise. It meant there was never a fourth film and I can never really watch the first two again without thinking of that time Rob fought a robot ninja. A fucking robot ninja. It’s Robocop vs a Ninja. Well, not just a Ninja a fucking Robot Ninja. I don’t think it can get any more stupid. I feel like my brain has died. There is nothing to say. This film is irredeemably stupid. It’s just... FUCKIN NINJAS. There is no more to say.

Oh, and Anakin girl can hack them too. I fucking hate this film.

Robocop 2's Stupid. Very Stupid.

Oh Rob. You reeled me in with your first film, and then gave me Robocop 2. It’s good, I know, but it’s like taking me to an expensive restaurant, showing me all the fancy food then giving me an angus burger from BK. It’s still good, but it’s a disappointment. And it’s stupid.
But, this isn’t about my feelings for Rob 2. No, it’s the stupidity you’ve come for! And there’s plenty to go around.  The plot is, evil businesswoman wants to replace Rob, with a new model. Rob gets almost killed and she’s given him to fix. Instead of finishing him off which would’ve been the smart thing to do, she gives him hundreds of commands that drive him insane. But 5 minutes of Rob acting like an idiot later, he electrocutes himself, and he’s back to the way he was. It was difficult, and her  stupid plan fails, leaving no trace, except the impression it was only there to pad a film that was too short.
And the woman’s bigger stupid mistake: Robocop 2. This is him:

Fuckin A. He looks bad-ass. Buuuuuuuut. At the start of the film we see previous Rob 2’s have failed cause they go mental. Rob only worked because of his sense of duty and will to survive. So who ends up in Rob 2? Another policeman? A soldier maybe, that’d be interesting, maybe they’d be too violent and that would... Oh no, that isn’t what happened. They got a drug addict. I have no idea why. There’s some bullshit about him being good for the job cause he really wants to live. But that’s shit. Oh, and remember those commands she gave Rob? Well none to Rob 2. He can kill anyone he wants, he doesn’t have any programming to stop him just doing whatever he wants. They could do that, they did it to Rob... but it would make too much sense here so no. Instead, to keep him under their control they supply him with drugs. And he knows they have them, and he’s the most powerful machine they have, they have no defensive from him... You see where I’m going here? The woman is a complete idiot. And I had no sympathy for her when Rob 2 turned on her, I knew it was coming a mile away.

Oh, and stupidest part of the whole thing? Rob 2 didnt need the whole head of the druggie. It just needed his brain, spinal cord and eyes. And it looks like this:



ohhhhhhhhh dear.

Robocop's Stupid. Very Stupid.

Robocop's a good film. I'm not going to say it's bad, it's one of my favourites. That doesn't mean I can't say it's stupid. But the concept of a cop who was killed and brought back to life as a cyborg is a bit ridiculous, but it's pulled off really well. The characters are good except for a black guy which I can't tell whether he's the comic relief or not because he is just SO camp, it's unreal. He's like the Graham Norton of Detroit. Except black. If it was made now, he'd probably be played by Chris Rock.

No this title's mainly so I can make blogs called Robocop 2's Stupid and Robocop 3's so stupid it has Robot Ninjas in it! without people thinking they've missed the first part. Robocop is not that stupid. It has a robot that falls down some stairs then shrieks like a squashed cat, but somehow it's still not stupid. EXCEPT, one moment.

The criminals are chasing Robocup of tea. One tries to run him over then crashes into a tank of toxic waste. And he doesn't die, instead he immediately changes into this:

WHAT THE FUCK. This film acts totally real, then pulls this mofucka on us! That must've been some serious shit he got on him. He then stumbles about shouting "HELP ME" and too right, he certainly needs help, I think he's got lost from a completely different film. And no-one mentions the toxic waste before, so this comes completely out of nowhere, and he dies about a minute after, and is never mentioned again. No movie. You don't get to pull that shit and think we'll just accept it. EXPLAIN YO'SELF.



But to be honest. It's funny, and it doesn't ruin the film, just makes it a bit stupid. Unlike whats to come in parts 2 and 3. Fuckin Robot Ninjas.