TABLE MANNERS: Come and watch!

TABLE MANNERS by Alan Ayckbourn. On at the Monifieth Theatre (behind the bus stop at the top of Tay Street in Monifieth) at half 7 on the 17th,18th,19th and the 24th,25th,26th of March.

Sarah and Reg arrive at mum's house for the weekend so that invalid mum's care-giver, Reg's sister Annie, can get away for the weekend. But Annie ends up staying, their brother-in-law Norman shows up unexpectedly, and not long after, so does Norman's wife Ruth (Annie and Reg's sister). Sarah tries her best to organize a family dinner for the five of them plus Tom, a slow-witted neighbor whom everyone expects to propose to Annie. Sarah can't get much cooperation and doesn't realize that Annie had planned to sneak off with Norman. Norman is incorrigible, Annie is caught between Tom and a fling, mum is upstairs demanding attention, and there aren't six proper chairs.
That sound any good? Well expect it to be even better, cause the cast is:

Norman - Sean Dowling
Annie - Sarah Ramsay
Sarah - Nicky Stewart
Tom - Gareth Barton
Ruth - Ann Sutherland

and, of course me. So come along one and all, sit, watch and remember your table manners.



That was an awful pun that doesn't make sense. I'm sorry.

On a happier note, i'm about to die.

Sorry for the bleakness of my last post, but sometime the chinese being closed really just gets to me. Anyway, I thought I'd cheer you all up from the brink of sucide with the news that me and Lewis Bage are about to watch what could very possibly be the worst film I've ever heard of.

It's called "An Ants Life". It's a rip-off of A Bugs Life. Which in itself wasn't all that good, and really didn't need ripped off. Now, I know nothing more about this film, so why would i say it's going to be the worst film ever. The cover:

Now you see why I think that. Oh well, don't judge a dvd by it's cover, I'm away to watch it. Maybe i'll have to eat humble pie. But I doubt it. If i survive, I'll let you know.

Ps. I found a hair under my eyelid. A long one, like you'd have on your head. Any explanation?


For some reason this didn't post properly the first time I told it to on facebook. Seriously Blogger, whatcha playing at.

Shite Nights Out.

I just got back to my house. I've not had a good night.
A night out should be fun, it should involve everyone having a laugh getting wasted and going home at half 4 the next afternoon. But I keep being faced with another sort of night out. The one caused by me having to go home early for work the next day.

It starts off with the before out drinking. It's good, and actually gets you in the mood to go out. But then it starts fucking up when you hit the pub. Everyone else is drinking, and they seem to be having more and more fun while you stay the same. This begins to make you think you're having a bad time and before long you can't stand to be around all these people having fun while you're miserable so you make your excuses and leave. Then you reach the bus stop. And there is NEVER a bus. Whatever time you get out the pub, by this late at night there is never a bus for about half an hour. So you start to shiver with the cold and get really bored cause you havent even brought anything to entertain yourself, because you hoped you would betray work and go out. But you haven't so you're stuck. The bus stop fills up with people and all of them start to annoy you. There's the freaks who just hang around in town on their own at this time, giving you creepy stares. Theres the people just finished work, who transfer their stress and just make you more annoyed. And worst of all there's the folk who've gone to the pub early and are wasted on the bus. They shout at each other and laugh and joke, and fuck off. I'm having a shit time, stop being so happy. It just makes me angry.

So the bus arrives and you get on. So theres still the annoying dickheads bothering you, but it's really boring sitting on a bus alone. So you get your phone out and start texting people you dont talk to normally, or your ex, or just people you shouldnt text. The bus arrives at your stop and the one beacon of hope, the chinese, where you can get chips (an instant remedy) is closed. So you have to trudge up the road alone in the dark with no food and nothing to do, just getting steadily less bothered before you stop in the middle of the street and wonder why you should bother to carry on and not just sit on the ground and sleep there. And you wonder if the night was worth it. And the answer is always no.

ps. replace you with me and this was my night tonight. the emotions are still pretty raw.

Scotland Vs England

Recently people’ve liking all sorts of things on facebook like “dear England, we have irn bru. Fuck you” or “dear Scotland, we have London. Fuck yer iron brew”. And I love it.
                I think everyone should have national pride. You should be able to admit the flaws of your country, unlike most Americans who seem to have the impression that their country is perfect in every way. But you should still think that the country you come from, however shite, is the best country. I’ve always felt this way and I’m not sure why. I’ve never really been brought up in a particularly Scottish way, and I think it’s more to do with me having odd loyalty issues. I love Dundee. It’s my favourite city I’ve ever been to. I’ve been to bigger, busier cities, but they don’t  impress me, Dundee’s still the best. I used to be very protective of KFC when I worked there, but now I’ve left I couldn’t care less. I’m not sure exactly why, but I feel that it’s fine for me to slag things I’m part of, but not for someone else to. I’m proud of where I come from, cause I genuinely believe that even though it has many faults, Scotland is the greatest country in the world.
                England however is a different matter, it’s Scotland’s nearest competition. And because of that we’ve always have rivalry. And I think the level it’s reached now is healthy. We don’t have wars, or massive fights. We just slag each other off and act like we hate each other, when if we actually visit the other country it’s not that bad. Not that I’d ever tell those wankers that. But it’s fun, and it’s good to have a bit of national rivalry alive, keep our pride alive.
                Which brings me to the point. I say I hate the English who are slagging off Scotland. But I don’t really. In fact, I respect them for having the same commitment to their country as I do to mine. What I hate are the fuckers who say stuff like:
                1)Irn Bru is sold in England too, so England and Scotland both have access to it,
                2)English people don't speak in posh accents, in fact lots of them barely pass as literate,
                3)Coffee is the most popular hot beverage in England, not tea
                4)No matter where an inventor comes from, it's their idea, not their country's
                5)Every country has its flaws, no country is perfect
                6)While we've been arguing about whether Scotland or England is better, we should have been abusing FranceSeriously? Are you so afraid of a little fight? Oh, lets all be friends in the UK. Fuck off. The English have tried to invade Scotland many times, and the UK government is always screwing over the Scottish people because the main members of it are posh English folk who couldn’t care less about us (example: poll tax). Oh and don’t even get me started on the sort of coverage of sporting events, like when on the fucking news they told me to get behind my national England squad. Erm, forget about anyone? So I feel a little disappointed when people can’t get themselves excited to fly the Saltire and sing Flower of Scotland. Talking of which, both national athems of Scotland and England have verses about us fighting each other. If we start to accept the English then soon we’ll be one big worldwide country, where there are no longer separate traditions and everywhere is all exactly the same. So just to finish off, let me answer the comment above with my answers that explain how great my country is:
1)Irn Bru is sold in England too, so England and Scotland both have access to it,
2)English people don't speak in posh accents, in fact lots of them barely pass as literate,
3)Coffee is the most popular hot beverage in England, not tea
4)No matter where an inventor comes from, it's their idea, not their country's
5)Every country has its flaws, no country is perfect
6)While we've been arguing about whether Scotland or England is better, we should have been abusing the French.
So in conclusion: I love Scotland. It’s the best country. If you disagree and love England, then you’re an idiot. But at least you have an opinion instead of being an apathetic dickhead who thinks they’re above all this. We all have our traditions. I just like Irn Bru, Haggis, shortbread and the PROPER Auld Lang Syne.

                                                                  Yeah, I’m not over that. Fuck Mariah Carey.

Enter the Matrix: Review

Bit late, it's been up for a few days now, but heres the link to my review of Enter the Matrix hosted on Let the Wookie Win. Check it out, and check out the rest of the site too while you're at it.

http://www.ltww.co.uk/reviews-enterthematrix.html




Also, happy birthday lewis bage, my only follower on blogger. If you want a birthday shout out like this, follow me. You know you want to.

It's Back. And Better Than Ever.

Poundcorner is back. Coming up some pound classics such as:

Crack Dog
Principles of Karma
Shogun Assassin
Armageddon/Redline/Deadline
Bloodfist
Doctor Who: Resurrection of the Daleks


and Spiderman 2?! Why's that in poundland?

First episode up before the end of march.

Bullying... Nah, Toilets and Coke.

I wanted to write about the fight currently happening on my facebook about a boy why some people hate and some just feel sorry for. I would've gone on about bullying and how he reminds me of people in my work, that you can laugh at what they do, but you shouldnt laugh at them, cause it's mean.

But then I remembered I amn't serious enough to do a post like that. And also I signed a confidentiality form at the weekend so I'm not allowed to talk about my work to anyone. Oops. I think I've told a story about one of the "clients" to everyone I've met since I started working. But I can change and I'll start by not discussing them on my blog.

So instead, a short thought. I've been playing Max Payne, and I noticed something that's always bothered me in PS2 games. It's not exactly a problem, it just confuses me. In loads of games for the PS2, my favourite console, you can search through linear levels into some side rooms. Most of them have ammo or health in them, but in practically every game, you can go into the toilets. Nothing wrong with that, maybe there's health in there. No. Nothing. In all these games there is never anything in the bathroom. You can go in, kick open the stalls, and there's never any hidden enemies, or anything to collect. It's just always confused me why they would bother to program a room that has exactly no purpose. It does nothing but cause them more work. Maybe they have a disgusting toilet fetish?          well that can't be it. Cause in some of the same games they make working vending machines. You press action next to one, and it drops you out a can of... something (it's the ps2, you cant see what the can is, what do you expect?). And the can doesnt give you health, you cant pick it up. It's just sort of... there. Hmmmmmmm. As the laziest man alive this makes no sense to me. Obviously game designers are workaholics and also incredibly boring.
Game Designer 1: I'm bored, wanna go make some extra shit in our game?
Game Designer 2: Cool man, sounds fun.
GD 1: We could make another fight scene, or make the explosions look better.
GD2: NAH. Fuck that. I'm making a toilet.
GD1: Woah, that's crazy. But fuck you, i'ma make a vending machine!
GD2: Do you need money for it?
GD1: Nah. PEOPLE NOT PROFIT.